Harry Potter and the Popculture References
by Your-Loveable-Tiger
Summary: each chapter Harry and Hermione introduce the magical world to pop-culture references.
1. Harry the Twelfth Doctor

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Doctor Who, if I did Hermione and the Doctor would travel through all time and space and the Doctor regenerates into Daniel Radcliffe.

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Harry, Ron and Hermione entre a store that sells magical tents hoping to replace the one damaged during the hunt for the horcruxes, as they weave between all of the displays Hermione comes across a Blue Police Telephone box from 1963 in one corner promptly bursting into laughter. Harry and Ron rush over when Harry takes one look at the box and promptly begins laughing as well, leaving Ron stumped as to why his two friends are literally rolling on the floor laughing saying things like "Exterminate" "Sonic Screwdriver" and "Doctor."

Ron stamps his foot on the ground much like a toddler about to throw a tantrum reminding the laughing pair of his presence. "Harry, I didn't think the Dursleys would have let you watch Doctor Who?" states Hermione finally catching her breath, "they didn't. Mrs Figgs was a huge fan, taped every episode that ever aired, when ever I was over it her place it was either look at pictures of her cats or watch the show with her," he answers. "I see you are admiring one of our old portable cabins slash holiday houses," says the salesman approaching "portable cabin?" asks Hermione.

"Yeah, using an expansion charm it's bigger on the inside…" he starts to explain but is cut of by Harry and Hermione bursting into laughter again, "it's a fully furnished cabin on the inside," he continues. "How is it portable?" asks Harry "quite ingenious, works just like apparating, you see the entire thing can be transported anywhere," explains the salesman "so it disappears and then reappears?" asks Harry, the salesman nods but grows confused as the two muggle raised teens burst into laughter again. "I am afraid, however, that the ministry forbids the sale of this particular model after a series of incidents years ago," says the salesman "some old chap and his grand-daughter bought one, some how integrated a time-turner and turned the whole dammed thing into some device that could travel time and space. Caused a huge blooming problem, hopping back and forth in time until the ministry caught up to them. But, not before them muggles noticed, not sure what the ministry did to cover up the whole affair, all I know is that we ain't allowed to sell that model no more. Shame though, muggle-borns since the mid 1960's keep asking to buy it, always mentioning some doctor." Says the salesman. Harry and Hermione turn to look at each other before looking back at the salesman "what happened to that particular blue-police box?" they ask. "Your standing next to it" says the man motioning at the blue box behind them, "the ministry returned it to me after the trial telling me to destroy it, haven't been able to bring myself to doing that yet, have I old girl?" he says looking at the blue-box with a sense of appreciation.

Harry and Hermione look at each other with equally mischievous smile before quickly disappearing inside the box, seconds latter the light on top begins to flash as the Blue-box fades in and out of sight before disappearing completely. Leaving a bewildered Ron and annoyed salesman behind "Darn it, their the eleventh people to do that, after that old man and his grand-daughter ten others have stolen it and gone on weird adventures, the last bloke had some odd fascination with bow-ties. Dam, the ministry will be pissed, argh!, better let them know a twelfth 'doctor' and 'companion' are on the lose." He says grumbling to himself. Ron is left standing their all alone, realising this wasn't the first time they left him to go on some hair-brained journey through time, it was third year all over again.

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Hello sweeties

Couldn't resist, might have just spoiled the next season of Doctor Who though, oh well, Spoilers.

Your Lovable Tiger


	2. Harry's the Lord of His Ring

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Lord of The Rings; if I did, Harry would have had a kick ass fellowship with him.

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Harry and Hermione sat facing each other as they stared down at the Stone of Resurrection still nestled in its fitting on the Peverell family ring. "So this ring has power over life and death, able to resurrect anyone?" asks Hermione, Harry confirms it "what is with evil villains and rings of power?" she comments, Harry chortles.

"One Ring to rule them all," says Harry, "One Ring to find them," continues Hermione, "One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them" they say in perfect harmony before bursting out in laughter. "What are you two laughing about?" asks a confused Ron, annoyed about being left out of the joke… again. "Oh, about evil rings and such," replies Harry. Suddenly Hermione sits up ramrod straight "The Ring of Power was a horcrux," states Hermione; Harry looks at her in confusion so she explains further. "Sauron didn't die; his soul remained bound to the living world as long as the ring existed. Not only that the ring would possess its wearer, spreading seeds of anger, distrust and jealousy to prevent its destruction."

Harry openly gaps as he realises she's right "what ring of power, and who is Sauron, don't tell me there's another dark lord for us to defeat" whines Ron, "don't worry Ron, he's already been defeated" says Hermione patting him on the shoulder condescendingly, "and the Horcrux was destroyed." "Wish we had had a volcano, we could have just dropped all the dam things in there and chucked moldyshorts and his dam snake in there and been done with it," commented Harry dryly. "I know, would have been nice having an un-crowned king, and elf, a dwarf and a bunch of hobbits helping us. Not only that but Dumbledore wouldn't have stayed dead, he'd have come back dressed in white and brought a whole lot of eagles," commented Hermione, "instead all we had was Ron," she concluded in distaste. "Could've been worse, at least we didn't have a Gollum character trying to steal the horcruxes," states Hermione, "actually we did, Griphook stole the Sword of Gryffindor, remember?" concludes Harry pocketing the ring and standing up as Hermione stood up to follow him. "Hey Hermione, want to go on a holiday?" asks Harry, "sure, where to?" she asks, "I was thinking a cruise to the west or something?" he suggests as they walk off leaving Ron all alone worrying about Dark Lord Sauron and volcanos.

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Hello again

Poor Harry and Hermione, as companions go they really lucked out.

Your Lovable Tiger


	3. Ron's Puppet Pals

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Potter Puppet pals, frankly I'm kinda glad I don't.

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Harry and Hermione a quietly reading in the Gryffindor common room, when Ron suddenly bursts in waving several pieces of paper and sits in between them, oblivious to their frowns and glares for separating them. "Hey guys, I thought of a way to celebrate our victor. We can have the ministry put on a puppet show for us," says Ron happily. "Huh?" reply the two teens "I wrote a puppet show they can perform when we get our Order of Merlin awards. I call it Weasley Puppet Pals and the Mysterious Ticking Noise" he says, the other two groan in dismay.

"What's it about?" Hermione dares to ask. "Well its about how there's this weird ticking noise…" he explains but Hermione and Harry don't hear it as the briefly make eye contact and sneak off with out alerting Ron of their disappearance.

"And then I go 'I found the source of the ticking. It's a pipe bomb," exclaims Ron happily explaining the story of the puppet performance when he realises that he's all alone on the couch. He looks around but is unable to spot Harry or Hermione, he then spots some first years "hey, do you want to hear about my puppet performance?" he cries chasing after the terrified firsties.

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Hello again my loyal readers

Hope you enjoyed

Your Lovable Tiger


	4. The Harry, The Lion, The Witch and

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Narnia, though I wouldn't mind having wardrobe that could take me places.

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Harry and Hermione are cuddled up on the couch in front of the fire, Harry is reading The Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe over Hermione's shoulder. Harry frowns slightly, "Hermione, I think C.S. Lewis may have been a wizard, maybe even a Gryffindor" he comments, Hermione thinks for a moment before agreeing, "lets check with Professor McGonagall," she suggests.

The pair gets up and begins searching for their head of house leaving the book behind on the couch. Ron enters the common room looking for his two best friends but spots the book on the couch, in a rare moment, he actually begins reading a book instead of just getting Hermione to summarize it for him.

"Professor!" calls out Hermione getting the Old Scottish woman's attention, "Professor, do you know if a C. ever attended Hogwarts?" ask Harry. "Come to my office and we can check old school records," says the professor leading them to her office. After some checking, the teens are shocked to discover that C.S. Lewis did in fact attend Hogwarts and that he had been the prefect for Gryffindor house. "If I may ask, what caused you two to want to find out about this C.S. Lewis fellow?" asks their professor, "simple professor, we noticed several references to Hogwarts in his books." Explains Hermione, Professor McGonagall seems surprised so the two teens explain that C.S. Lewis is a famous author in the muggle world and then point out the references to Hogwarts in his novels.

"Firstly, the wardrobe that transports you to the magical world of Narnia is a reference to the vanishing cabinets that transport you between the two. Next, the symbol of Narnia is a gold lion on a field of red, Finally at the end of the novel, the four characters are crowned kings and queens of the new kingdom, two kings and two queens, a reference to the four founders of Hogwarts" explains Hermione, Harry nodding along as his bush-haired best friend points out her evidence. The transfiguration teacher is shocked, but resolves to look into getting her own copies of The Chronicles of Narnia, all of a sudden Filch burst in to the office dragging Ron behind him. "Sorry for barging in professor, but I found this one going through every broom closet, cabinet and wardrobe around the school, looking for some magical world he reckoned," says the grouchy squib.

"Hey, Harry, Hermione, lets see if we can find Narnia, Harry can take out the dark witch and then, the three of us and Ginny can be kings and queens and have royal feasts every night,: says Ron excitedly. "Ron" says Hermione, Ron perks up hoping from praise from his crush only to have his hope crushed when she continues, "You're an idiot," she says, "why do I have to always deal with the bad guys and you still take some credit?" asks Harry clearly annoyed. Ron shrugs "cause that's just how it goes, the hero defeats the bad guys while the side kick gets the girl" says Ron, Hermione's eyebrows rise as she moves closer to Harry. "Ronald Weasley, since you are so interested in wardrobes and broom closets, you can help Mr Filch clean them all this evening" says the professor. Ron's jaw drops as he begins to argue. Harry and Hermione take the opportunity to sneak out hand in hand, as they decide to explore some broom closets them selves, only planning to explore each other rather than exploring magical worlds.

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Hello my loyal readers, you have to admit, there is some similarities between Narnia and Hogwarts, wouldn't be surprised if Narnia hadn't influenced Rowling at least in a small way.

Your Lovable Tiger


	5. Harry is a Die Hard fan

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Alan Rickman or Die Hard, if I did Bruce Willis would teach Defence against the dark arts and it would kick ass, also, Harry would have killed Voldemort by launching a car at him because he was out of bullets and spells.

Warning: mild swearing

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Harry is stirring his potion as Hermione double checks that every ingredient has been added and in order, she looks up to notice Harry staring at Snape, "should I be worried by how you're staring at Snape?" she asks teasingly. Harry turns to her in surprise before whispering, "don't you reckon Snape looks like Alan Rickman?" he states, Hermione watches Snape for a moment before agreeing.

"Professor" says Harry drawing Snape's attention, the potions professor glides over, "What mister Potter, are you having a problem brewing such a simple potion" he sneers. "No professor, I was just curious, have you ever watched a film or movie?" Harry asks, Snape is so shocked that he actually answers, "Yes, I've seen a few. Why?" "Have you ever watched any westerns?" asks Harry, "yes" responds Snape still confused but surprisingly still answering. "So if I said Yippie-Ki-Yay Mother fucker you'd say?..." Detention with me this evening Potter" sneers Snape, as Harry's face drops. What truly surprises every muggle born is when with a complete deadpan face Snape says "Don't bother trying to through me off a building Potter, I know how to fly with out aid. That's right Potter, I've seen that particular movie my self. Alan Rickman happens to be my favorite actor, if they had to make a movie about my life I would request that he would play me" concludes Snape, the whole room is silent as every muggle born and muggle raised as well as a few half-bloods look at Snape in shock as they comprehend what he just said. He glides to the front of the room and barks at everyone to continue brewing or suffer joining Harry for detention.

Harry sits there in shock" dam it, why couldn't we have had Bruce Willis as a teacher?" asks Harry aloud, "because Potter," sneers Snape "none of the movies have an American actor in a lead role."

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Hey readers, a short chapter but hopefully still a good one.

Your Lovable Tiger


	6. Harry and his Playboy Birthday

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Play-boy or the Play boy bunnies, god I wish I had a couple playboy bunnies it would be Legen-wait for it-dary.

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Harry is sitting alone in 12 Grimuald place, internally upset that he hadn't heard from Hermione all day even though it was his 18th birthday, there is a knock at the door so he goes and answer. He opens the door to find his Bushy-haired best friend standing on his front door wearing a pair of black high heels; he can't see what else she is wearing because the rest of her body is covered in a thick trench coat all the way up to her chin. "Harry," she purrs, "come with me, I set up a surprise at Hogwarts for your birthday" she holds out a head band with rabbit ears attached, he takes hold and they are transported directly into Hogwarts prefect's bathroom.

Harry's jaw drops. Surrounding him is several gorgeous women dressed in lingerie, stockings and heels, each woman with a pair of cuffs on their wrists and a bowtie around their necks with a fluffy rabbit's tail attached to their buttocks and a pair of rabbit ears on their heads. Harry turns to Hermione just as she removes her trench coat revealing her own sexy black playboy outfit, moments latter Daphne Greengrass and Susan Bones press themselves on either side of the birthday boy. Hermione hands him a pair of pajamas, and a pipe with a sexy smirk "Happy Birthday Harry, lets just say a _lot_ of witches want to wish you a happy birthday," she says. Harry places the pipe in his mouth and lets out a deep puff as he personally greets playboy bunnies with a kiss, a pat on the ass and a thorough inspection of their costume.

Back at 12 Grimauld Place, Ron continues to knock loudly on the front door, "Harry! Come on answer the door, I want to take you to the Three-Broomsticks for your birthday, nothing beats the three broomsticks, we might even get to perve on madam Rosemerta. Harry!" whines the red head outside the empty house.

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Another short chapter, but the current rating of this story prevents going into further detail of Harry's party, might write a separate one-shot going into further detail.

Your Lovable Tiger


	7. Harry and a galaxy far far away

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Star Wars, if I did I'd be the richest son of a b***** cause I'd maintain merchandising rights to both series and make a hell a lot of money.

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Harry and Hermione are standing in front of Harry's parents graves after having placed a collection of flowers, after the hunt, it had become a tradition for the pair to visit his parents on Christmas Eve. After several long moments of silence they walk off heading into Godric's Hollow, as they walk down the road they see a book in one of the windows.

_Lily Potter and Severus Snape; the secret love_

_By_

_Rita Skeeter_

Harry frowns as he reads the title, "why are all these people coming up with conspiracy theories about my mum and Snape?" wonders Harry aloud. "Well, you did tell everyone that Snape did what he did because of his love for your mum, it's left everyone wondering if they only ever were friends or if your mum reciprocated those feelings," replies Hermione, holding him close for warmth against the December chill. "But I guess we will never know," she adds, we can't ask them, if we still had the ring of resurrection we could but I guess we'll never know."

"Not like it matters, Voldemort killed them all," retorts Harry, "No Harry, Voldemort is your father," jokes Hermione, Harry snorts, "Hermione, my life isn't Star Wars," "No, but it got you laughing again," she replies.

"Would have been cool having a light saber though" supplies Harry, "No Harry, if our life was like Star Wars you would have had the Millennium Falcon, Ron would have had the light saber as scary as that sounds trusting Ron with something as dangerous as that," says Hermione. "Does that mean that you and Ron would have kissed to make me jealous?" asks Harry, Hermione gags for a moment "I did kiss Ron remember, I've been trying to block that out" groans Hermione, Harry hugs her reassuringly to comfort her as she fought off her bad memories. "Could have been worse, Ginny could have been walking around with her hair in two buns on the side of her head," Harry points out, the two teens burst out in laughter imagining Ginny dressed as Princess Leia. "If Voldemort was Darth Vadar then who was the Sith Lord?" asks Hermione, "Dumbledore would have been the Sith Lord, he was manipulating enough to be the Sith Lord" states Harry remembering just how much the old man had screwed up their lives.

"Still, would have been cool having a light saber," says Harry after some time.

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The following year, Hermione is credited for the creation of the Solaris Saber spell, a spell that creates a red, blue, green or purple coloured blade made out of light from the end of the casters wand. Auror's affectionately referred to it as the 'light saber' spell. Besides a small number of accidents, the spell proved incredibly useful to the DMLE as a powerful combat spell for close combat fighting. The biggest injury happened to Ron Weasley who pointed his wand the wrong way round and stabbed himself through his groin, Healers were unable to find it let alone re-attach it, Ron didn't notice much of a difference.

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As if I couldn't write fics about pop-culture with out a Star Wars chapter.

Your Lovable Tiger


	8. Hermione the Book Mage Challenge

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potterm The Chronicles of Narnia or the 'Hermione Book Mage Challenge"

I decided to do something different and accept one of my friend's challenges.

**Hermione The Book Mage Challenge:**

By

**Black-Tortoise-of-the-North **

Challenge rules

Hermione can enter any work of fiction and is able to gain skills and abilities she is able to use in real life. No works of fiction published after 1994

Hermione takes Harry with her so that he can train for the tournament

Time flows differently in the book world than the real world

Takes place after Harry is chosen as the fourth champion

Crossovers are encouraged due to the nature of the story

Characters from the books can not enter real life

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**Gryffindor Common Room:**

"Harry," said Hermione getting her friends attention "I have a secret, and I can't keep it to myself any longer" she continues "what is it Hermione" asks Harry. "I can enter books," she answers, his eyebrows raising "I can enter books, and interact with the characters, and the entire world. Any skills or abilities I gain in the books I am able to retain in real life and use them freely" Harry just stares at her as she pulls out a book. "Harry" she pauses "let me show you" he nods as his bushy haired friend opens the book and the very words on the page glow and swirl around the page…

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**Inside the book:**

Harry, and Hermione look around, they are surrounded by darkness, a little distance away they spot two young children, a boy and a girl, an old English cabby and his horse, an old man in a ridiculous suits and a tall regal woman in what looks like royal robes.

"This is not Charn" says the regal woman, "this is an empty world, nothing" she continues sagging slightly.

"Hermione, where are we?" asks a nervous Harry, "where in the Chronicles of Narnia the Magician's Nephew. It's the first book in the series, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe is the second book in the series. Harry, we are about to witness the creation of Narnia it self" answer Hermione

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**Gryffindor Common Room; an hour later**

The novel '_The Magician's Nephew_' by C.S. Lewis comes to life as the pages begin fluttering and turning by an unseen wind. Moments latter Harry and Hermione are sitting on either side of the book. Harry looks around in shock "Hermione, how long have you had the ability to actually enter books and interact with the characters?" asks a bewildered harry trying to get his bearings. "For as long as I can remember I've been able to transport myself into the books, but only fictional books. I don't know how I do it but I absolutely love being able to truly be apart of my favourite books, I mean I've fought at Minas Tirith alongside the soldiers of Gondor in Lord of the Rings. I've travelled to the Centre of the Earth, I've been 20,000 leagues under the sea with Captain Nemo and his crew," states Hermione bouncing in her seat excitedly as she explains her ability.

"Why are you telling me this Hermione?" asks Harry, "because, time runs differently in the world of books, don't you see Harry, you can train for the tournament inside these books, get years of training in days," the bushy-haired girl explains. She pulls out her copy of the Fellowship of the Ring "Harry, how would you like to learn magic from Gandalf?" she asks, Harry smirks and nods his consent as Hermione activates her book mage abilities and the two teens vanish in to the book.

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Hey all

As I explained earlier I decided to do something different and respond to one of my friend's challenges as well as shamelessly plug it myself. Please check out the challenge for your self.

**Hermione the Book Mage Challenge by Black-Tortoise-of-the-North**

I would also like to shamelessly plug my own challenge:

**Tayuya the Lost Uzumaki**

Challenge Rules

A Konoha ANBU is surveying the battle sites after the Sasuke Retrieval Mission, when he comes across a barely alive Tayuya who reveals that her full name is Uzumaki Tayuya. How will this affect Naruto to learn that he has a living family member and that she assisted in the assassination of the Third Hokage and helped Sasuke defect to Oto.

Requirements/ rules:

Tayuya is a member of the Uzumaki clan, orphaned when her last living family member was killed because they failed Orochimaru. You can decide how closely related she is to Naruto.

Tayuya knows all the Uzumaki clan jutsu and fujinjutsu and is forced to teach Naruto the clan techniques.

NarutoxTayuya pairing is compulsory. Clan Restoration Act to be implemented forcing Naruto and Tayuya to marry to preserve and revive the Uzumaki Clan. Other girls can be included.

Tayuya is a tsundere character

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Your Lovable Tiger


	9. Harry is 65 million years in the making

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Jurassic park, if I did I'd have my own dinosaur theme park off the coast of Queensland, and I wouldn't employ broke computer hackers to handle my security systems.

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**The night before the first task of the Triwizard tournament:**

"Harry, are you sure this a good idea, I mean how will you control them if the dragon doesn't kill them?" asks Hermione worriedly gazing at two large metal crates in front of her. "Its not my problem, my task is to battle the dragon or what ever they want me to do to it. If any of these guys survive I'll let Hagrid keep them as pets" the raven-haired teen responds. "You're going to give them to Hagrid?" she hisses "yep, he'll love them, their not magical but still dangerous, no laws in magical Britain about keeping dangerous **non-magical** pets," replies Harry smirking. Hermione huffs "fine just don't let any spectators get hurt, you saw what happened in the movie" she states, "Mione, I'm more worried about my own survival at the moment" he responds.

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**The day of the tournament:**

Harry emerges from the tunnel into the stadium, in the centre, he can see a large Hungarian Horntail turn to eye him threateningly, Harry takes a deep breath and shouts

"ACCIO TYRANOSAURUS REX!"

Harry waits on bated breath as a large metal container crashes through the stadium wall tearing open as it comes to rest in front of the dragon. From the debris of the metal cage the gigantic dinosaur emerges in a full rage roaring as it turns to face the other large reptile in the arena.

"My god people, Potter has summoned a large wingless dragon into the arena, I've never seen anything like it before!" announces Bagman, "it's a dinosaur you dolt" mutters Harry waiting for a chance to sneak up and grab the golden egg as the two gigantic reptiles begin to fight.

The T-rex charges at the Horntail grabbing one of its wings in its massive jaws before jerking its head repeatedly until a large crack is heard as the Horntail's wing snaps. The Horntail swipes its tail striking the dinosaur in the side causing the dinosaur to release it's hold and stagger back slightly. The T-rex the grabs the dragon's neck in its mouth as the Horntail bites down on the dinosaurs hindquarters as the two reptiles wrestle and grapple with each other. The dragon releases the dinosaur and shoots out a torrent of flames burning the dinosaur. The T-rex staggers back slightly as blood seeps out of its burnt wounds. Harry realises that the dinosaur won't survive much longer with out help and he is still a good distance from the egg.

"ACCIO VELOCIRAPTORS!" shouts the teen as the second metal container crashes into the container and eight raptors emerge hissing from their confines. The packs of raptors see the two enormous fighting reptiles and immediately jump into action with the raptors jumping onto the backs of both of the larger reptiles' backs.

Harry takes the opportunity to sprint forward and grab the egg before running back to the entrance of the tunnel leading to the champions section as the stadium is filled with the roars and hisses of various reptiles. In one last roar, the Hungarian Horntail strikes two raptors with its tail as a third one rips its throat open killing it. The T-rex grapples one raptor clawing at its hindquarters with its mouth and flings the smaller dinosaur into the stadium wall killing it on impact.

Dragon-handlers immediately rush into the arena and begin subduing the remaining living reptiles stunning or outright killing the beasts Charlie Weasley manages to take down the injured Tyrannosaurus while the other handlers have the hard task of fighting of the co-ordinated attacks of the raptors until the realise that the real attacks are coming from the sides. It takes several minutes and the death of a couple raptors, dragon-handlers and a slow moving toad-faced woman dressed in pink until the stadium is evacuated as students flee the arena being Sheppard towards the castle by ministry staff and professors. Harry takes opportunity to sneak of with Hermione and coincidently the pair hides in the prefect's bathroom where Harry drops the egg into the water revealing the next clue.

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Shortly after the first task, the Department of Mysteries collects the corpses of the dinosaurs for research, Charlie Weasley is awarded the skull of the Tyrannosaurus as a reward for killing the beast and Hagrid manages to smuggle the two surviving raptors into the Forbidden Forest as a pair of breeding pets. He names them Mr Cuddles and Princess Bitey.

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Sirius Black walks down the stairs into his basement at 12 Grimauld place to see Remeus tending to several eggs the size of ostrich eggs amongst several large bones and piles of amber. "What-cha doing Mooney?' asks Padfoot.

"Just some gene-splicing, cloning and other stuff, I got bored," replies the werewolf. "How'd you learn that?" asks the dog-animagus. "Oh, I learnt this while studying my doctorates in Medicine, Biology, Palaeontology, and molecular cloning. What did you think I did for the twelve years you were in Azkaban," replies the werewolf shrugging as he does, "I'm technically a professor in both the magical world and the muggle world," he states.

Padfoot whistles in amazement before examining an egg shaking slightly as cracks begin to appear on the egg's shell.

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Hey, Jurassic Park is actually my favourite film so I just had to do it.

Your Lovable Tiger

P.S.

Holy Crap I got over 5000 hits now. Thank you all so very much.


	10. The P team

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the A-team, but if you have a problem… if no one else can help you and if you can find him, maybe Daniel Radcliffe will give you an autograph.

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Silence reigned over Hogwarts as Voldemort's body dropped to the ground dead, no one moved a muscle. After a moment Harry begins to fumble around his pockets until he pulls out a cigar and puts it in his mouth, "you give me a minute I'm good, you give me an hour I'm great, you give me a year and I'm unstoppable" says Harry. He lights his cigar, takes a deep breath and comments "I love it when a plan comes together."

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Unfortunately, the death of Voldemort wasn't the end, Death Eaters and Pure-blood supremacists still controlled the ministry, Voldemort's inner circle was still in control. The remaining Death Eaters rallied behind the Inner circle in the belief that their lord had been resurrected once before, he would do it again. Ironically Voldemort became a martyr for all Pure-bloods and Harry remained public enemy number one.

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"Potter; Harry, you are charged with the murder for the murder of our glorious Lord, for treason against all magical citizens and for having mud-blood running in your veins. For this reason, you will be incarcerated in Azkaban until our Lord Voldemort returns to us and kills you for your crimes," says Umbridge, gleefully reading out the crimes and punishment of Harry and his friends.

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However, Harry, Hermione, Neville and Luna promptly escaped from the maximum security prison and escaped into Britain's underground.

Today, still wanted by the Ministry they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem…

If no-one else can help…

And if you can find them…

Maybe you can hire…

The P-Team

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Hello all, just watched the A-team movie again and was inspired to write this. May I point out that Killing Voldemort was one thing, tearing down a corrupt government that is still in control is another thing. Harry and the others would have had a battle ahead as the battle field switched from open combat to changing the hearts, politics and views of an entire nation and culture. It's a shame J.K Rowling didn't explore the aftermath of the war instead skipping ahead nineteen years. Oh well, that's what Fanfiction is for.

Your Lovable Tiger


	11. Harry has an Alien feeling

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Alien or Space Balls, I honestly don't want an Alien, they hurt when they burst outta your body.

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Harry pushes aside the tapestry as they go to take their usual shortcut when they spot Ginny and Dean embracing each other, their lips glued to each other. Harry feels something large and scaly erupt into life in his stomach, clawing at his insides; hot blood and pain seem to fill his brain as the pain in his stomach increases.

"oi!" shouts Ron getting his sisters and his dorm-mates attention, "what?" asks Ginny, "I don't want to find my sister snogging people in public!" roars Ron.

The pain overwhelms Harry as he drops to the floor, Dean, Ginny and Ron turn just as he hits the floor. Sweat flowing down his brow as he clutches his stomach in pain. The others look on in shock as Harry's stomach starts to bulge up wards repeatedly as if some invisible hand is punching up and out of Harry's stomach. All of a sudden, blood starts seeping through Harry's clothing. To the horror of everyone watching a grotesque creature bursts out of Harry's chest and slides down on to the floor.

What truly shocks the onlookers is that the creature reaches back into the hole in Harry's chest and pulls out a cane and a top hat and begins signing and dancing down the hall out of site.

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Let's face it, the chest monster Harry felt around Ginny sounds awfully like the chest burster aliens from Alien. In my opinion that doesn't sound like love, it sounds like an alien ready to jump out of your body, if anything it describes Harry lusting after Ginny, not loving. That scaly beast clawing at his insides to get out sounds more like he got horny and the 'hot blood' that seemed to flood his brain was probably just his hormones and lust effecting his rationale thoughts.

In case you haven't noticed by now, I am a Harmony shipper, One; the love between Harry and his number one fan-girl sounds more like lust and two Hermione really and I mean really lowered her standards when she settled for Ron. I also really dislike Ron, I could never forgive a friend who repeatedly turns their back on me over jealousy and abandons me during times of great need.

Oh well, fingers crossed J.K Rowling rewrites the series towards a more harmonious ending.

Your Lovable Tiger.

P.S. Don't bother flaming me over my comments about the relationships of Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny, I don't care, this is my opinion and not everyone will agree with me. I can live with that, I just don't agree with the ending of the series in regards to relationships. Also I reckon Neville should have been the third member of the golden trio.


	12. Harry has a bigger knife

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Crocodile Dundee, if I did Harry would be a true-blue Aussie and Voldemort would be a croc.

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Harry watches in horror as Wormtail walks over to him after having taken the bones of Voldemort's father and then cut of his own arm dropping the severed limb into the burning cauldron. Wormtail raises the knife ready to take blood from Harry when Harry manages to wiggle his hand free. The boy-wizard reaches behind his back.

"That's not a knife," states Harry, he pulls a very large hunting knife from behind his back "this is a knife Wormtail." Wormatil stares in shock at the massive knife compared to his own smaller on as the boy-who lived manages to breaks free of his confines and charge forward. Harry swipes at the rat like man cutting and slashing several times until Wormtail's clothes are in tatters, Wormtail squeaks as he runs away from the knife brandishing teen. Harry runs over to Cedric's body, summons the tri-wizard cup and vanishes as the portkey activates whisking him away back to Hogwarts.

"WORMTAIL!" screams the infant Voldemort, "you have failed me Wormtail!"

"But master, he had a bigger knife" pleads the traitorous rat as his infant like master tortures him.

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Hey, got to love the Australian Classic, I highly recommend you check out 'The Paul Hogan Show' before he was Crocodile Dundee Paul Hogan had his own comedy show, and before he was a comedian his day job was cleaning and repainting the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

So basically; Paul Hogan cleaned and painted the Sydney Harbour Bridge, became a comedian, got his own self titled comedy show and then starred in Crocodile Dundee and subsequent sequels.

Your Lovable Tiger


	13. Harry and Hermione's New Year

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Terminator, Sydney Harbour, the Sydney Harbour Bridge or the Sydney New Years Fireworks. I have driven over the Sydney Harbour Bridge countless times though.

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Harry and Hermione are standing amongst a large crowd of Australian's and tourists at Neilsen Park, Vaucluse in Sydney Australia, anxiously awaiting the count down to the start of the new millennium. Harry and Hermione had come to Australia to retrieve Hermione's parents shortly after the war and had fallen in love with the country, agreeing to visit a different state each year. Last year thy had holidayed in Darwin and Alice springs, the year before that they had visited the Whitsunday Islands and The Great Barrier Reef, which Hermione pointed out was actually three separate reefs. This year they were visiting Sydney, they had watched the Sydney 2000 Olympics a couple months back, watching in awe as the Olympic cauldron rose out of the water. The pair had decided to return and ring in the new year in Sydney since it was considered one of the best if not the best New Year celebrations around the world.

Harry chuckled as he over heard another group commenting on the likeliness of the Y2K bug being real.

Suddenly, the count down began.

"10"

"9"

"8"

Harry nudges Hermione, she turns to him as he cups her face in both of his hands bringing her lips close to his own.

"5"

"4"

"3"

"2"

"1"

"Happy New Year!"

Harry and Hermione's lips made contact as they welcomed the New Year and the new millennium in each others embrace. All around them Sydney Harbour exploded into light as fireworks explode from The Harbour Bridge, The Opera house and four barges on the water. A large smiley face on the bridge winks to the world.

Harry and Hermione clutch each other close as streamers are sent everywhere by the crowd around them as Fireworks light up the night sky in tune with the same music tracks and medleys being played on every radio station. Throughout the display, famous song lyrics and quotes from the previous centaury are played including Neil Armstrong's moon walk to Gough Whitlam's declaration as he was kicked out as Australian Prime Minister.

The pairs gaze moves to the harbour as the water reflects the sky above turning water in the harbour into a moving rainbow as a techno remix of '**I come from a Land Down Under**' iconic song by Men at Work begins to play in time with the explosions of light.

"well, the computers aren't turning on us" comments Harry making a joke about the paranoia about the Y2K bug, "yeah, I was worried Arnold Schwarzenegger would show up with a glowing red eye" respond Hermione giving her Chosen One a kiss on the cheek.

The pair continues to watch the half-your long fireworks display which ends with the word 'Eternity' being written in lights on the iconic bridge as church bells sound out over the entire harbour.

As the last fireworks fizzle out in the sky Harry and Hermione sneak of to a quiet place and apparate back to their hotel room to further celebrate the new millennium.

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Yes I may be biased but I believe Sydney has the world's best New Year Fireworks displays and that 12 years on the 1999/2000 New-Years fireworks is still one of the best.

Your Lovable Tiger

In honour of reaching 10,000 hits, I'm posting two chapters at once, have fun reading


	14. Harry's club

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Fight club, because I don't talk about Fight Club.

Warning: Slight language

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Harry stands in front of the assembled Dumbledore's army or DA for short.

"The first rule of Dumbledore's; you don't talk about Dumbledore's army" shouts Harry.

"The second rule of Dumbledore's army; you don't talk about Dumbledore's army" he shouts to a confused audience.

"Third rule, during a duel if someone says 'stop', or goes limp or taps out the dual is over. Fourth rule; only two people to a fight. Fifth rule; one dual at a time. Sixth rule; no unforgivables, no shoes. Seventh rule; duals will last as long as they have to. Eighth rule; if this the first time attending, you have to dual," concludes Harry, many of the other DA members are visibly trying to understand the rules while others are suppressing laughter.

Harry walks over to a chuckling Dean and Semeus "what is the DA?" asks Harry, the two teens reply "Rule #1 bitch", Harry walks over to Hermione "what is Dumbledore's army?" he asks her, "Rules #1 and #2" she replies with a smirk. Harry walks over to Ron, "what's Dumbledore's army Ron" "that's easy mate, its everyone here sticking it to Umbitch" says Ron. Harry punches Ron in the head dropping the red-head to the ground. "And that is how we learn the rules, you break them you bleed," says Harry stepping over the groaning and bleeding Ron.

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Hey, I would talk to you about this story but Rule #1 people.

Your Lovable Tiger


	15. Siriusly Terminated

Disclaimer: I don't own harry Potter or Terminator but I'll be back

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Sirius Black is at a motorcycle bar hoping to find a hot bikkie chick to go home with for… milk and cookies and other stuff wink wink. He is happily dressed for the part in full bike leathers and a very stylish leather jacket if he doesn't say so himself. Arounf him he hears several gasps as someone slowly approaches him from behind. He feels a pat on his shoulder and puts on his most charming smile and turns to face… a very naked and very muscular man. Sirius' eyes widen to comic proportions.

The European body builder speaks in a heavily accented voice, "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle"

Sirius begins to laugh at the outrageous requests from the naked man. "You forgot to say please," says Sirius. The man grabs Sirius' hand and twists it awkwardly pushing Sirius to the floor in pain. Another patron strikes the naked man over the head with a pool cue, but the pool cue snaps. The naked man grabs the other man and single handily throws the patron out the nearest window.

Moments later, a pub-brawl or bar-fight breaks out as every biker attempts to injure the naked man only to be pummelled or thrown across the bar.

Less than twenty minutes later the muscular European man exits the biker bar dressed in Sirius' leather clothes, boots. He promptly hops onto Sirius' bike and rides off.

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**The next day:**

"So there I was tied butt-naked to the bed as the most gorgeous chick I've ever had the pleasure of pleasuring takes my clothes, my boots and my motorcycle," says Sirius as he finishes his story to a laughing Remus, Peter and James. "So, let me get this right, you went to a bar, meet a woman, had wild hot sex with her, she tied you to the bed and in then she takes all your things?" asks Remus, Sirius nods, his fellow marauders burst out into laughter again. "Only you Padfoot, only you could get mugged after sex" comments James.

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To this day Sirius still tells the story how he got his clothes, boots and motorcycle stolen by a woman after sex because he is too embarrassed to admit he had everything stolen by a muscular naked man.

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Hey, told you I'd be back

Your Lovable Tiger


	16. Blacks love Fridays

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Friday, I'm rather glad that I don't own Friday but I'm looking forward to the weekend.

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Remus is walking down the hall when he hears the sound of a cats screeching coming from the bathroom, as he gets closer he recognises it as Sirius' singing, with a groan he bangs on the door yelling at Sirius to stop singing.

"It's Friday, Friday ~ Gotta get down on Friday" sings Sirius happily, Remus bangs on the door again, "Padfoot shut up, don't make me come in there and shut you up," the werewolf threatens. "And you wonder why people think we're lovers?" retorts Sirius from within, "people think we're gay?" questions Remus, "yep, or at least that's the rumors Nymphadora heard around the DMLE office when it was revealed that you helped me at the shrieking shack," answers the dog animagus still in the shower. "Why was Tonks talking to you if we were gay?" asks a confused and slightly hurt Remus. "Dunno, she asked me if we were lovers, I said no, she asked if you were gay, I said no, she asked if you were single, again I said no," answers Sirius. "why would Tonks want to know if I was single?" asks Remus, "dunno, ask her yourself, now leave me alone or better yet send in Hestia Jones," suggest Sirius, Remus swears he can practically hear Sirius' eyebrows wiggling.

With a sigh, he goes off to find Tonks as Sirius resumes singing.

A few minutes later Moody walks by and hears Sirius singing, "bah, I swear that singing voice is only marginally better than what he's singing about. I'll be dead before I hear another Black sing let alone sing that infernal song again," mutter Moody as he places a curse on any Black who sings about Fridays will be for ever cursed with un-popularity and ridicule.

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A week later Tonks and Remus go on their first date after Remus discovers why she wanted to know if he was single. While Sirius managed to get Hestia Jones to perform a duet with him in the shower.

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Hey, well Rebecca Black is two years or at least one and a half years too young to be Sirius' kid unless she lied bout her age, would be cool if she was related to him though.

Your Lovable Tiger


	17. Harry's Gundam

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the Gundam series, Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed Destiny are my favourite though. I really want my own Gundam or even a Knightmare frame, or better yet, a giant robotic suit that would transform into either a Ford Mustang, GMC Camaro or Holden Monaro so I could drive it when I'm not battling evil.

Warning: may contain giant fighting robots and epicness

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Several members of the Order of the Phoenix are gathered around the steps leading to the basement at 12 Grimmauld place as the sounds of hammering, the clang of metal and various power tools echoes up from beneath them. After a moment of hesitation, Sirius, Harry and Hermione head down the stairs into the basement.

There they find Remus leaning over what appears to be a gigantic humanoid robot as he continues to weld. The three are able to get the werewolf's attention. Remus walks over to them removing his welding gear as he does.

"What-cha doing Mooney?" asks Sirius, "oh, I'm building a giant fighting robot that can be operated from a cockpit inside, still working on a name, I'm thinking of something along the lines of guns and damage or just combining the two words. I got bored so I decided to tinker," explains the werewolf. "You got bored and decided to tinker around in the basement, which resulted in you building a giant death machine?" asks a disbelieving Hermione, "giant fighting robot," Remus says correcting her. "Mooney, how do you even know how to build one?" asks an amazed Harry walking over to the incomplete machine. "oh, I studied robotic engineering, mechanical engineering, physics, and software design," explains a proud Remus, "what did you guys think I did with myself for the twelve years before I was your DADA professor?" asks an amused Remus.

"I think we are forgetting something major" says an annoyed Hermione, "yeah," agrees Sirius, "where's my giant fighting robot?" asks the dog animagus. Remus chuckles "this is yours Padfoot, I already finished mine, its over there," says the werewolf pointing to the other side of the room were a completed robot is propped against the wall. "I figured you and I could entertain ourselves with giant robot battles," explains Remus sending Hermione into a rant about the dangers when Harry silences her. "It could be worse Hermione," says Harry, "how?" asks an annoyed Hermione

"what"

"have"

"we"

"got"

"down"

"here"

"dear brother?"

Hermione stiffens as she hears the Weasley twins speaking in unison as they approached the unfinished robot. "What's that?" they ask, "a giant fighting robot, I'm building them so Sirius and I can have battles," explains Remus. Hermione's heart sinks as she realises what is coming next.

"Can we have one?" the twins ask, "sure, I'll build one each for Harry and you two as well," replies Remus.

Hermione lets out an exasperated groan and just leaves, "boys, they don't grow up, their toys just get bigger," she mutters to herself.

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Years latter, Remus' inventions are hailed as what saved the world from Voldemort, everyone can still remember the look on Voldemorts face when Harry showed up at the final battle in one of the giant robots. Needless to say the robotic suits of armour were a power the Dark Lord knew not.

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Hey, I surprise myself at times with what Remus gets up to when he is bored, needless to say a bored Remus is a dangerous Remus because you never know what he'll do to entertain himself. I mean the guy had twelve years to himself, what did he get up to in that time?

Your Lovable Tiger


	18. Harry and the Rickrolling Howler

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up', but I have rick rolled a couple of mates.

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Fred and George look up suddenly as Harry bursts into their bedroom at 12 Grimmauld place, the twins quickly hiding something behind their backs.

"Fred and George, would you two be willing to help me prank old Moldyshorts and his Deathnibblers?" asks Harry. The twins share a mischievous grin before speaking in tandem.

"What"

"Do"

You"

"Have"

"In"

"Mind"

"O' evil mastermind?"

Harry replies; "can you make a Howler sing?"

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Voldemort looks over his Inner Circle as they assemble at Malfoy manor, a woman in pink with a toad face sits on the other end of the table, all eyes on her.

The Toad face woman addresses everyone present, "I am truly sorry My Lord, but not only did Potter survive the dementors I sent, he also escaped all charges levelled at him".

Voldemort's attention is diverted from the pink dressed woman as a bright blue envelop is dropped into his lap by an owl, he looks at it for a moment before it opens itself and fashions it self into a mouth, much the same way a howler would.

The blue envelope begins singing;

**We're no strangers to love  
>You know the rules and so do I<br>A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
>You wouldn't get this from any other guy<strong>

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
>Gotta make you understand<strong>

Voldemort and the Deatheaters are frozen in shock only for their fear and horror to rise further when the envelope begins singing the chorus.

**Never gonna give you up  
>Never gonna let you down<br>Never gonna run around and desert you  
>Never gonna make you cry<br>Never gonna say goodbye  
>Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you<strong>

Malfoy manor is filled with screams as various members of the Inner Circle flee the manor in horror.

Little did they realise that when they all returned home they would find their own blue envelops waiting to serenade them with Rick Astley's song, proving that love or in particular, love songs were a very effective weapon.

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Hey

I was only thinking the other day that it'd been a while since anyone I knew had been rick-rolled so I thought, why not. Seems they weren't expecting a rick-roll after so long.

Your Lovable Tiger


	19. Remus is bored

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Back to the Future or Men in Black, I did how ever read on another authors profile that they couldn't remember if they had a TARDIS disguised as a Delorean or if their Delorean is bigger on the inside, that was pure gold. I want to put that on a t-shirt

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Harry, Hermione, the Weasley twins and Tonks are all lounging around on lounges entertaining them selves inside 12 Grimmauld place as rain batters the windows. Sirius walks in looking worried, "have you guys seen Remus?" asks Sirius, "yeah, he said he was bored and wandered off somewhere," answer Tonks looking up from her erotic novel about an older werewolf ravishing a young maiden. Sirius begins to visibly sweat when he hears this and takes a seat as everyone eyes him funnily.

Sirius mutters repeatedly; "This is not good, this is so not good,", Hermione takes the initiative and asks why, Sirius explains; "Cause a bored Remus is a dangerous Remus, when ever he gets bored he finds something to entertain himself, and it never turns out well,". the twins ask in unison "Like what?". Sirius replies; "Like in our fourth year Remus got bored and built a life-sized model of the 'Queen Anne's Revenge'. Seriously, a fully armed and fully rigged three-mast sailing ship in the middle of the Black lake. Admittedly, it was fun, we all got to pretend to be pirates for a while, for some reason Remus made me grow a beard and kept calling me by my ancestors name, Edward Teach, we even fought the giant squid as it sunk the ship by pulling it to the bottom of the lake,". A shocked Hermione asks; "wait, your descended from Edward Teach?" asks a shocked Hermione, Harry comments that the name sounds familiar, Sirius states; "Yeah, up until the 1600's the Black Family was called the Teach Family, most of the wealth the Blacks have is a result of Edward Teach, made the family a lot of money as a merchant sailor." A horrified Hermione states; "Blackbeard, your family's wealth is all due to Blackbeard." Several people raise their eyebrows and motion for Hermione to continue. She elaborates by explaining that; "Edward Teach is the real name of the famous **pirate** Blackbeard, the Black family aren't descended from a wealthy merchant sailor you're all descendants of a pirate. Admittedly, the most feared and notorious pirate that even other pirates feared but a pirate none the less. The Black's wealth is a result of piracy, the name change makes sense, he renamed the family after his own nickname", a shocked Tonks asks; "wait, so Sirius and I are descendant from one of the most famous pirates of all time?", Hermione nods, Tonks turns to Sirius and says "Hey Sirius, say ARGHH! If you think that's awesome", "ARGHH!" says Sirius transfiguring himself an eye-patch. Everyone in the room laughs as Sirius pretends to be a pirate and Tonks turns her mouth into a beak and parrots whatever Sirius says.

After everyone calms down the twins address Sirius, a curious Fred…or George… one of the twins asks; "Back on point, besides the full sized ship, what else has Mooney done when bored?" Sirius then continues, "Then, in sixth year, he got bored and built a big flying metal disk or saucer thingy that would fly around to the nearest farm, shine a light out of the bottom of it and pick up cattle or drunks, take them for a joy ride and then drop them off a couple kilometres down the road. Also, the metal disk thing would find wheat fields and draw circles and other patterns in the middle of the crops, always caused a heap of trouble as weird men in black suits kept chasing it around. I think Remus sent it off to America, last I heard it's still around; occasionally drawing circles in crops or taking cows and drunks for joy rides."

Everyone's jaws drop as Sirius keeps telling stories of how Remus has entertained him self over the years when ever he got bored. All of a sudden, the sound of power tools and machinery can be heard from the basement as everyone sprints down the stairs to see what Remus is up to.

The group find Remus attaching odd wires to the side of a silver Delorean, Sirius attempting to be nonchalant asks "what-cha doing Mooney?", Hermione pushes past and sees the car, and exclaims in a shocked voice; "Remus, don't tell me… you built a time machine out of a Delorean?" as she recognises the car. Remus chuckles and then quotes Doc Brown, "the way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it in style."

Hermione face palms and just walks off saying she didn't want to know where the resident werewolf got the plutonium from.

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Hey,

I do wonder how easy the hunt for the horcruxes would have been if Harry had have had Jack Sparrow's compass, though in a harmonious world the compass would have permanently been pointed at Hermione.

A special note to 'Rocking the Boat' by DerLaCroix, I highly recommend it, it inspired this chapter.

Your Lovable Tiger

P.S. Over 20,000 hits and counting. I'm so happy :)


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